This is more of a question than statement. I'm curious as to what other parents do. (You know, so I can compare and maybe learn something new! Ha! That is in reference to a previous blog) I'm not talking about the irrational fears of things that go bump in the night or monsters or ghosts. Not those things. But things like harmless bugs, sensor toilets, new people, or noises. I have this really firm belief that if I allow my children to continue to be afraid of things that aren't worthy of fear, then I am crippling them. I don't know if it's true, it's just how I view it. Not to say that if my daughter has a fear of bugs I'm going to throw her into a box filled with them, but just that I don't ever cater to that fear.
Here's an example. This morning one of my daughters refused to get some dog food for our dog because she swore she saw a "black hornet" in the garage the day before. I put my foot down and told her that she was not allowed to do anything until she fed the dog. She cried and complained for about 45 minutes and then I grabbed her, took her in the garage and made her stand there until she calmed down. Then I made her look for the "black hornet" (which I believe was never there in the first place. This particular child is a master of letting her mind run away with her. All you have say is "bug" and she starts scratching and twitching). Ofcourse, we did not find it. I explained to her that it was all in her mind and she was letting a fictional fear mess up her whole day! I took her back in the house and then left her there again to go get the dog food by herself. I refused to help her or let any of the other kids go with her. Now, I kept praying and thinking all through this ordeal and asking myself if I was being too hard on her. I don't want to be mean, but I don't want her to let irrational fear rule her life! If there had actually been a hornet in the garage I wouldn't have dreamed of making her do it by herself. Good grief!! I probably wouldn't have gone in there! Ha! Another example. My younger daughter is super fun and not fearful of much. BUT she has some social issues. She's not crazy about meeting new people and I've even caught her glaring at strangers who pay her a sweet compliment. I think glaring is how she deals with shyness. Which can be embarassing! There have been times where a child on the playground will say hi to her, she'll glare at them and then run over to me all smiles talking about how the child said hi to her!! So confusing. Anyway, I believe this is another irrational fear, she is afraid to talk to new people. Which as a parent, I'm fine with her being weary of strangers. But if I'm right there, keeping her safe, I expect her to atleast be friendly. Even if that means smiling only! I just can't let her glare and hide behind my skirts. Shouldn't she learn that the majority of new people or children that she meets are perfectly fine to speak to? I don't expect her to by like her older sister and trip over herself to make a new friend. But a little bit of politness should be expected I think. There is just a fine line here between catering to irrational fears and forcing a child to be too tough. There must be a middle ground where we teach them that some things are okay to be afraid of and somethings, we gotta get over! We are equiping them for being adults. Obviously, I'm not talking about a small baby with a fear of being away from mom and dad. That needs to be catered to. But just, as they get older and are able to understand that you've got their back, that they don't need to live in fear of irrational things. I believe my husband would call this "exposure therapy". : ) He's a big fan of that.
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I've been thinking about addressing this for some time, but have hesitated because it's quite a personal issue. My main goal in sharing the why we do the things we do series is for folks that maybe haven't thought of things from another point of view or anybody just interested in learning why people do things the way they do. I know I enjoy it! Whenever I hear of people that made different choices than us I want to ask and talk about it. Most of the time I hear the same old, same old reasons, but occasionally you hear something new that you never thought about! : ) And that is exciting, I think. Also, I want to address some hurtful things in this area of discussion. So here we go! If you don't care why we didn't circumcise our son, then don't read this.
When we were pregnant with Cal and my all-knowing mom did her discerning gift and announced she was just SURE he would be a boy, I started reading, listening, praying and thinking. I had only EVER met one child that was not circumcised. And because of this and both sides of our families raising us to never really think about not circumcising we were both leaning toward circumcising. So it was definatly out of my comfort zone to even think about not going through with the surgery. But then again, as a mama, emotionally I couldn't even bare the thought of putting my first son through a surgical precedure at such a young age!! So, I figured, if I could find a good enough reason to get him circumcised then I would be able to ignore those emotional issues and do the logical thing! So that was my goal in looking into it. To find a good enough reason to circumcise! : ) I couldn't. Man, I tried too. I talked to friends that circumcised their sons, hoping each time that they would offer a really great medical reason to get it done routinely. I joined online forums for strictly PRO circumcision mommies where they bashed mamas that didn't circ and shared why they did. And still, nothing. Everyone I ever talked to had only the main reason of cosmetics. No one can argue that there are any studies showing a great list of pros for routinely circing babies. And all the medical groups say that there aren't enough pros to outwiegh the risks of the procedure in routine cases. Sigh, I had only forced myself to leaning more toward not circing my son. Which was scary to me, to be honest! And all for silly, superficial reasons. Like, I wasn't used to seeing that! What if I thought it looked wierd! Or, we live in an area where MOST babies are circed! People will think we are wierdos! So I presented all my research and opinions to Robert. He is, after all, the leader of our house and happens to be a male! So I would never make a decision without his support or leadership! I told him that i would honor whatever he decided but that I really was hoping that he would have a better reason than cosmetics. We talked and talked and talked about it. He picked our midwive's brains about it (who both had several sons that were not circed), he talked to buddies about it(who all balked and told him it would be cruel of him to NOT circ his kid because then he would get made fun of in the locker room), and then we discussed the idea that we would have to pay out of pocket for the (what we believed at that point) cosmetic surgery because medicaid in Missouri had stopped covering it, since it wasn't medically necessary. SO! We decided not to. For all the reasons why people don't. The only medical reasons why people DO circ could also benefit little girls if they were circumcised as well (which they do in some countries). And we didn't want to teach our children that surgery is necessary for any cosmetic reason. When one of his buddies cornered me and told me "I had no idea!" That i was setting my son up for horrible teasing in the locker room. I couldn't help but think, yeah, but I got teased for being flat chested in high school.....does that mean I should get my girls boob jobs when they hit puberty to help them dodge this teasing? This argument didn't hold any water for us. We did not circumcise Cal and won't circumcise any other sons we have. And the main reason is because we couldn't find a good enough reason to have the surgery preformed. I've gotten over my issues of people thinking we are wierd and have such peace about our decision. As I hope anybody does about parenting. I don't care what anyone else does, this is what we did and why. NOW!!! To address something that HAS bothered me since we did this. I have heard moms that chose to circ their son say this, "I think uncircumcised penises are gross/wierd/funky looking!" Now. The reason you say that is because you are used to looking at circed penises. If you were used to looking at uncirced penises, you wouldn't say that. And just for a moment, if you have ever said that, just for a moment! Stop and think about what you are saying. About.....my.....son's body part that God gave him. Seriously, just think about it for me. Now, how would you feel if I said your baby's face was funky/wierd/gross looking? Who in their right mind says such a hurtful thing about an innocent baby's body part?! It astounds me. And I think that we need to stop and think before we speak. Seriously. I've found that I differ a lot from some friends on this subject. Which is fine, but it is one of the things in parenting I am most passionate about. Surprisingly, it's way up on the list, next to breastfeeding, discipline, and homebirthing. So since it is important to us and something I think we have read a lot about and experienced a few different child temperments about, I thought I would share our views! ; )
First, our children have bedtimes and naptimes. I recently was reading on one of my favorite blogs. This mom that I really like and discovered that this is one thing that I disagree with her on. Still really enjoy reading her stuff and wish I knew her in real life! Anyway, she stated that her and her husband trust their child's own instincts on when she needs to sleep. In our home, we do not. I've been around children far too long to know that kids do not listen to their bodies when they are sleepy all the time. In fact, some of them down right ignore their body! Why? I don't know. But it's a strong conviction for us to teach our children how to listen to their body and to help them develope the strongest immune system and best brain development by getting enough quality sleep. With this goal, comes the bedtime and naptime. Our general rule of thumb is that if our children are falling asleep in the carseat, they aren't getting enough sleep in their bed. Not to say that never happens. In fact, all bets are off for the first four to six months of life. But after that, it is my goal to work around my child's sleeping schedule. I've read alot of both sides of the argument and just can not buy that a child is "just fine" with only 8 hours of sleep in a 24 hour time period. I believe they may act just fine, but they are not fine, physically or emotionally. And, yes, I have had a child that thought that is about all the sleep she needed! : ) Darby was super easy, has always loved sleep. Bryse on the other hand, if I let her lead, would pass out around 11pm every night and NEVER take a nap. And that would've started around the time she was born! Seriously, she thought she needed no sleep at all! And acted fine if she didn't get any! BUT, having been the parent and applying some guidance, she has always slept atleast 12 hours at night and a couple hour nap a day until recently, when she started napping only a few times a week. But she still has naptime. Her body needs the rest even if she is not going to sleep during the rest. Also, I can't stress how wonderful it is to have alone time with my husband every night. It's priceless! Second, we don't do the family bed. I'm not against a family bed for any major reasons, like "safety" or anything like that! I think it's awesome for some families! Robert and I just don't prefer it. While I adore my kids and watching them sleep is da bomb!!! I don't sleep well when they are in bed with me. However, out of necessity, sacrifice, and instinct, we do cosleep for the first 3-4 months almost 100% of the time. After that point it slowly tapers off until the baby stops nursing at night (about one year old). I feel that co-sleeping during that time can be helpful and is even necessary for some babies. Also, not co-sleeping with our older children is not something we are horribly against. About every other night my 3 year old, Bryse, walks into our room, cuddles up to me for 4 or 5 minutes, and then says, "I'm ready to go back to bed, mom!" And i take her back to bed. That doesn't bother me a bit. And when our children are scared or sick we spend more time with them at night, either in their bed or our's. It's just not something we concentrate on a lot. Third, we teach our children, slowly, how to put themselves to sleep on their own. This is a big regret I have with Darby. We let her cry it out. While it was effective and quick, I just knew there had to be a better way to teach my child how to put themselves to sleep. So I read more on it and developed my own meshed version of several different ways mixed with instincts of what the particular child is like. I liked it alot better with Bryse and Cal! ; ) All bets are off for the first several months while breastfeeding is getting established and there is too much baby love to put that baby down!! But after a handful of months I slowly do what I would call fussing it out. I wait for my baby's cues that he's tired, do alittle routine, lay him down and then leave. Usually, if timed right, maybe a few minutes of fussing will proceed. But then they fall off to sleep. If my baby ever starts crying I run back in, cuddle, cuddle, cuddle (maybe even nurse, if needed) in the dark quiet room, and then lay back down. This a longer more drawn out way to teach my baby how to put themselves to sleep as compared to crying it out, but I just have more of a peace about it. Like, I said, Bryse was my non sleeper, this took about two months of gently helping her. With Cal, maybe two weeks. If even that. So every baby is different and I think those first few months of constant cuddling help you to know your baby and know what they need. On a side note. Night nursing: I have learned that I do not care when my baby stops nursing at night! HA! With Darby I was so proud that she stopped at 3months. But since then, I just could care less! Bryse went till 9 months, and Cal went to 11 months. And I just looooove those night nursings when they are that old! Because they are still and cuddly and half asleep. I just charish those moments! I wouldn't trade them for anything. Just thinking about them gets me all emotional and cuddly feeling!! : ) Homebirth, spiritually:
When we lived in Missouri, I attended Friends of Missouri Midwives meetings once a month. It was such an encouraging place to be for many reasons. One reason was because a vast majority of these strong, educated, passionate women happened to also be Women of God. That wasn’t a coincidence. You ask these women or me, home birthing women do it for spiritual reasons. Not all of them may feel like it is necessary for ALL women, but we defiantly feel that it is necessary for ourselves. Like Paul said, “All things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial”. I do not feel it is beneficial to birth at a hospital. In fact, in a lot of cases, I feel it is the opposite. One dear friend says that she tried to make her birth about God at the hospital with her first, but when you are following a doctor that doesn’t put their trust in God’s plan, it’s darn near impossible. We live in a fallen world, and our bodies are not perfect. But if we treat them right and put our faith in God’s plan and find peace in that, things go smoother, I believe. God’s timing! I believe in God’s timing for birth. I am way too human to determine when my baby should be born. This is why I am 100% against elective induction (without medical need). The thought of taking such a HUGE responsibility under my own understanding scares me to death! While I believe that God gave us doctors and medical advances to use, I don’t believe in using them, unless completely necessary. He also gave us natural things to try. I wanna stay hands off of normal physiological processes that He ordained as much as possible. And follow the instincts that He gave all women. It’s going to sound silly, but I couldn’t help but share a scene from LOST that has always touched me. The character John Locke is talking about a moth cocoon. He says that the moth is inside struggling to get out. And it’s hard work, he says, “I could use my knife and cut the cocoon open and free him so that he wouldn’t have to work so hard, but if I do that, he will die quickly.” The moth needs to strengthen himself completely before he is able to break free upon his own accord. I would assume that like child birth, that it’s different for every moth. There is probably an average amount of time, but it varies a bit, depending on how long the moth needs. Darby came out at 37 weeks, she was basically okay. But I had another friend that had her baby at 37 weeks and he had to spend several days in the NICU because his lungs were not developed enough. Cal was born right at 40 weeks, only God knows what would’ve happened had I decided I was “done” being pregnant and been induced at 39. Maybe he would be fine, but maybe not! I just don’t feel comfortable deciding that for my baby, I much prefer to leave it to God. From using the brain that God gave me, I have read a lot about this subject. So much that I would feel terribly convicted if I went any other route. Not to say that I would be “sinning”, but that I would be missing out on a small detail of God’s plan for me. A part of my God given Life of abundance. I don’t want to miss out on that. I don’t think He wants me to miss out on that. He sent the Holy Spirit to lead us, and personally I feel like this is where the Holy Spirit has lead us. And we are reaping the benefits! : ) My prayer is that my sisters in Christ would listen to God along with the advice of professionals. And that no matter where that takes them, they would have peace about it. Peace enough, that they wouldn’t feel offended when someone questions their choices! The 50,000 times people have questioned OUR choices I have honestly never felt offended by it! I felt honored to attempt to explain to them how we were lead to this! ; ) One of my favorite documentaries has an amazing quote from a father in it. In an interview after the birth of their first child, when speaking about what it was like to see his wife give birth he says something like, “It’s amazing, it’s like, there must be God in the room or something.” I believe that God is right with our babies from conception and that He deeply cares for them and knows their little souls!! And it is our responsibilities to protect that baby from the beginning of conception. That is what I intend to do. And the way Robert and I feel that we need to do that, is by having our babies at home, surrounded by people we trust and being honored by experiencing a process we trust ordained by a God that we trust. Homebirth, the emotional side.
Through experiencing childbirth in a few different ways; medicated, unmedicated in a hospital, and unmedicated at home. I can look back and notice differences emotionally. There are certain hormones that our bodies release during normal physiological body functions. During sex, or while breastfeeding, or while giving birth…if we are to interfere with these processes, the hormones are also messed with. Its scary ramifications, I think. It has been shown that women that give birth at home are less likely to experience post partum depression. This is believed to be because studies show that women are more pleased with their experience and feel more in control of their experience when they choose to stay home. http://clearinghouse.missouriwestern.edu/manuscripts/118.php But some experts believe that natural childbirth plays a large role in prevention of PPD because the mother (and baby) receives the benefits of ALL the hormones that they were intended to get. It was God’s plan! : ) http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/1247567.stm, http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/firsthour.asp, http://www.sarahjbuckley.com/articles/ecstatic-birth.htm Obviously, this topic may seem more logical than emotional, but these hormones are what prepares us for the emotions of motherhood! They are SO important! So bare with me…. In my own experiences I noticed differences at the time of birth. I really never experienced baby blues let alone PPD, but there were night and day differences between Darby’s birth and Bryse and Cal’s birth. With Darby I had only received a few hours of an epidural, which they had to turn off about an hour before she was born because my blood pressure was dangerously low. But still, when she was born, I was happy, but not “present”. I did not feel loopy by any means! But I just was not connected emotionally. I felt odd holding her after she was wrapped up tight in a blanket and didn’t feel “moved” very much at all. I didn’t feel much of an urge to breastfeed, although I did. I personally, believe that breastfeeding was what really helped me with bonding with her in the long run. I got those much needed hormones from that! Thankfully! With Bryse and Cal, my hormones unhindered by drugs, I felt ecstatic! Like I was on another planet and no one could reach me even if they tried! Remembering that feeling is enough to make me wanna run a marathon!! I wanted to squeeze and love on my naked baby and wanted to breastfeed immediately! : ) I felt beyond ready to mother this child! For me, there is something about natural childbirth that gives me confidence and spunk for months! And it is not because I think I’m “awesome” for being strong enough. Not at all. It is just this deep down confidence that it instills within us. I cannot explain it but that it was God’s design for Mom’s preparation for being a mom! : ) It makes me want to shout from the roof top and urge other women to experience. While I will say, I don’t care what women choose to do for themselves, but I do care for my sisters in motherhood and Christ, I want this for them too!! You know!? Similar to when you make an amazing cake and want to share the recipe with friends! Only magnified by a ton! HA! Thankfully, I don’t feel that I have experienced anything so horrible, but I have had friends that have experienced such a stripping of their instincts, confidence, and humanity during their childbirth that they entered motherhood with broken spirits and beaten bodies. This breaks my heart. There are women being diagnosed with not only PPD but also Post traumatic stress disorder! They have nightmares and flashbacks, need medication and counseling, to recover! We should be protecting our women during such a sensitive time in their life! Not abusing them! For us, staying at home and using our own discernment and prayer to choose a care provider that will allow us to be in control of not only the process but also the end result is huge for this. I don’t want to be in a hospital fighting off unnecessary and unscientifically based interventions when I should be enjoying the process that God has set forth! I don’t want my baby taken from me when we should be bonding. I don’t want a nurse coming in every few hours to interrupt my time with baby to check my blood pressure. I want to choose what is right for my body and my baby right from the beginning. I want to be a mama bear protecting my baby! I will say this, the experience is NOT more important than the outcome. But if you don’t have to trade one for the other, than why wouldn’t you want to have both?! It's gonna take me a while, but I'm trying to collect some of my thoughts on why we chose and will continue to choose to homebirth (as long as I'm lowrisk). It's a HUGE topic for me, so I've broken it up into three parts: Homebirth logically, emotionally, and spiritually. There is NO way that I can cram everything I think about this topic on here, but atleast the most important stuff, hopefully! So here ya go!
Homebirth, Logically: A starting place: Why we choose to have our babies (from now on) at home with the assistance of a midwife. The logical side of our reasoning. One of the first things we hear from people questioning our decision is, “But women and babies used to die all the time before there was hospital birth!” In a sense this is true. The mortality in and around childbirth did drop pretty dramatically around the time that birth started moving into hospitals. But one of the main reasons for this is because of advances in sterility, use of antiseptics in medicine, and one of the main helps, washing hands. In fact, Ignaz Semmelweiz proposed washing hands between autopsies and attending births to cut down on puerperal fever (childbed fever). He noticed that women under the care of midwives at the hospital or at home were not dying at such an alarming rate, because midwives did not perform autopsies. Unfortunately, the body of doctors at the time denounced him and rejected his beliefs. He died several years later, never seeing any real difference in the death rate. It took decades and several doctors carrying on his work before doctors would finally see that washing their hands well before attending a birth was necessary to reduce mortality. But that is just one example of advances in medicine that helped the mortality rate. When looked closely at, the rate of women going to the hospital for childbirth very gradually rose between late 1800s and 1950. It was very gradual and the drop off on deaths came before that. Obviously with midwives getting more training and hospitals being more readily available, things did get safer for homebirthers. But the main reason that doctors used to lure women to the hospital with was pain medication. It was the only thing they could offer that midwives at home could not. Most male OBs at the time had never even attended a birth; they had no way of competing with “granny midwives” that had been catching babies for decades! Also, if it were the case that the mortality of homebirth vs. hospital birth was so drastic, we would see evidence of that in clinical studies done now. And we don’t. (http://www.sep.org.uk/catalyst/articles/catalyst_20_1_428.pdf, http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/timeline.asp ) Clinical studies: There have been many, many studies done on low risk women choosing homebirth vs. low risk women choosing hospital birth and the outcomes. While some aren’t as thorough as they should be, and some were preformed in other countries (where homebirth is more prevalent), there is very little to argue about how good the results are for low risk homebirth. The mortality rate is the same for both, which means it is NO more risky for your life or your baby’s life to give birth at home assisted by a well-trained midwife. But, the morbidity rate is higher for hospital birth. This means that there is more unnecessary harm done in the hospital than compared at home. This is because interventions are used much more in hospitals with little to no medical need, increasing the chances that baby or mommy will have injuries or suffer as a result. Some would say that midwives are better at trusting nature (God’s plan) and sitting back and waiting, where as OBs (and other hospital care providers) are more scared of the process, wanting to try and control it. Luckily, we have the technology that doctors can undo (physically) the damage that they do with the interventions, usually saving a life or correcting an injury, while at home, there is usually no need to undo anything, as things were left alone in the first place. (http://www.cmaj.ca/cgi/content/full/166/3/315 http://www.bmj.com/archive/7068pr3.htmttp://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/abstract/313/7068/1313ttp://www.vbfree.org/docs/schlenzka.htm http://www.homebirth.org.uk/homebirth2.htmhttp://www.compleatmother.com/homebirth/hb_safety.htmhttp://betterbirth.blogspot.com/2009/08/new-study-home-birth-as-safe-as.html http://www.gentlebirth.org/archives/bmj2005HBSafety.html) Transferring: Many folks want to know what will happen if something goes wrong when you are at home. Well, most of the time, labor moves slowly and there for any complications come up slowly. Midwives are trained to see complications coming from far off so that they can try things at home and then if that doesn’t work, move the mom to the hospital. Most of the time it’s calm move to the hospital. Now there are those mad dashes or dialing 911, but they truly are rare. A lot of mothers might say that they feel better if they are down the hall from the OR if needed, but in reality, your OB will not be present at the hospital while you are in labor, so if a C-section does become necessary, you will have to wait for him/her to arrive anyway. While many women believe they received an “emergency cesarean” while in labor, true emergency cesareans are quite rare. If you received an emergency cesarean, odds are, you weren’t awake for it, because they don’t have time to place a spinal or epidural or to make sure that the one you already have is working adequately. As far as things going wrong, when you are in a hospital those chances go up tremendously!! The instance of things like cord prolapse (very serious complication), fetal decels (fetal heart rate dropping lower), post partum hemorrhage, and infection happen more often in hospitals. And not because the women are just more high risk. They happen more to low risk women because of routine drugs and protocols that cause them. We’ve just decided that if I don’t need medical professional help and my baby doesn’t need it, then we will stay home until we DO need it. And that maybe during birth, afterwards, or maybe several months later for a completely unassociated illness! ; )(http://www.gentlebirth.org/archives/homwatif.html ) Our story: Our first two children, Darby and Bryse, were born in the hospital. Darby’s birth was a very normal American hospital birth. I had more trust in my OB than I did in the process. I really liked her, she was very sweet. However, hind’s sight is 20/20! Looking back, although I still like her personality, I am disappointed in the choices that were made for me and Darby without much need or consultation with us. At 37 weeks (because I was 4 cm dilated) my membranes were striped without first telling me what she was doing. This is a natural form of induction….and very painful. It put me in labor and I very much wanted to experience natural childbirth but had done very little in preparation. I allowed them to tether me to the hospital bed with electronic fetal monitoring and IVs, thinking they must all be necessary if they just automatically put them on you! (I was wrong, but again, wasn’t informed of anything) I went on with labor for 9 hours while repeatedly refusing the epidural but once I got “stuck” at 7 cm gave in and got the epidural and they started pitocin to get me passed 7 cm (even though there was not medical reason to start pitocin, just failure to be patient). For two and a half hours I enjoyed the very well placed epidural and slept. At the time, I didn’t realize that Darby’s heart rate and my blood pressure was fluctuating because of the epidural or pitocin, because no one told me that was a side effect. I pushed her out in a position and under commands from the nurses and doctor in such a way that I should’ve torn, but luckily, did not. But they were sure to tell me that I was “lucky” she wasn’t any bigger at 7’14 because if she had been I probably would’ve torn. (Side note: Cal was 9’10 and I still didn’t require sutures) She proceeded to be quite jaundice which is also an illness that is made more likely when an epidural is used or when labor is started before the baby might be ready. Bryse’s labor and birth went more smoothly because I was much more educated. Very smooth natural childbirth while walking around the halls of the hospital with the help of my husband and doula. Although we did face some “complications” after her birth because I did not learn what is safest during that time period and no one informed me that the OB’s normal protocols make things more likely to occur. I retained some of my placenta which had to be removed manually (NOT FUN!) and this complication was almost certainly as a result of my OB pulling on the cord to hurry the placenta out. Really, because of that I could’ve hemorrhaged so I count myself lucky that she didn’t cause more trouble. Cal’s labor and birth was left alone and went very smoothly. I did not fight off a nurse with an IV or argue about not wanting pitocin. And we DID face some complications with Cal’s labor; they just weren’t answered with dangerous drugs or protocols. They were answered with scientifically based responses which caused no dangerous side effects for Cal or me. I just wish that I had learned the logical reasons to birth at home before Darby. Stay tuned for Part two: Homebirth , emotionally. Not a whole lot is going on, worth mentioning, around the house lately. And I've had a few posts on the blog before talking about things we do as a family that might be alittle different compared to others. So I thought I would start alittle series of that! I've already shared what and why we do Christmas the way we do, about making our own laundry detergent, and homeschooling Darby. Something that has been on my mind alot lately is ultrasounds while pregnant. So that is what I will share this time!! : )
We have not had a routine u/s (ultrasound) since I was 18 weeks pregnant with Bryse, in 2006. Since then, in my reading on natural childbirth, homebirth, and alternative medicines, we have decided that we have no calling to have another routine u/s. This was a big decision while pregnant with Cal. I did a TON of reading and asking folks their thoughts on it. My midwife said that her clients rarely get them and that she didn't see a point unless it was medically indicated (my paraphrase). So I read. 1. I found that (to my surprise) there has NEVER been proof that shows better outcomes when routine u/s are used. The key word here would be "routine". Because if something comes up where the doc or midwife have a red flag go off then it can be a very valuable tool! For sure! 2. U/s are used for basic things, and as a result in the recent years I noticed that the medical community (some) have lost the ancient art of palpating a mother's uterus to determine things like: sufficient amniotic fluid, multiple pregnancy, or presentation of the baby. My midwife always knew what position Cal was in just by feeling. And this is the case most of the time! I think that is amazing! Another basic thing that u/s are used for is determining a due date that is supposedly more accurate. Early in pregnancy this can be the case, I mean really early. But really, most studies show that it's not THAT much more accurate for the average woman. Since I'm pretty average, I don't see the point! ; ) 3. U/s are used for lots of different screenings and estimations that it is terribly inaccurate at! Especially late in pregnancy! I don't blame u/s techs for this or doctors! It is just hard to get any type of accurate reading once that babe is so big. Studies show that wieght estimations are usually off by 2 pounds either way and that it's natoriously bad at estimating the amount of amniotic fluid. You could go to two different techs in one day and get majorly different diagnosis for both of these things. Regardless, since it has been shown to NOT improve outcomes, it is basically going to just stress mommy out for no reason. 4. U/s have never been proven safe. But they haven't been proven dangerous either. The fact is, the technology just hasn't been thoroughly researched! Now, personally I would be shocked if we get a few years down the road it turns out that u/s are horrible dangerous. I don't believe that they are evil, but I really don't have a peace about exposing my baby to anything that hasn't been completely studied for no good reason. Ya know? Finding out a guess about my baby's sex a few months earlier doesn't matter that much to me, personally. And let us not forget, Obstetrics has a horrible record for using things that aren't proven safe and having catastrophic results. Example: xrays. They used xrays on mama's for 20 years before they realised that innocent children were contracting cancer as a result! Heartbreaking! They assured women for 20 years thru books and verbally that xrays were 100% safe and necessary (without ANY research to back them up). That is more than a shame. 5. I have a peace! : ) I love knowing that when I'm pregnant my baby is in my Lord's caring arms as he stitches him or her together!! I love that he sees them in that "secret place" and that it remains a secret place! I need no more reassurance from anyone that my baby is there and whole. I also believe that God gives mama's instincts and that I would be happy to listen to HIM and respond to those instincts if He so chooses to change our hearts on this! : ) 6. There have been some (few) studies that show adverse effects from a large amounts of u/s. In one study they found that there was higher rates of miscarriage early in pregnancy when there were several u/s early in pregnancy. That there is a higher risk of IUGR (Intrauterine growth resriction or retardation) after so many u/s. And oddly enough, more often left handedness in children that were exposed to more u/s technology while in utero. Which seems like no big deal, but it does show proof that somehow the technology "may" be altering something in the brain. As a result of discovering these things and prayer we decided that routine u/s are not for us! Honestly, as with anything in parenting, I could care less what other people do. I pray they research and know why they do what they do, but their decision is their decision and I hope they are as proud of their's as I am of mine! : ) OH! And dopplers are in the same catagory as u/s. They use the same technology only more focused and strong. I don't care to hear my baby's heartbeat early in pregnancy, God knows what's going on in there and I will patiently wait (unless medically indicated) to hear my babe's heartbeat when I'm around 20 weeks and the feta scope can safely (proven!) hear that sweet hearbeat!! So there ya have it! Why we don't get routine ultrasounds! Hope you enjoyed! Here are some links: http://www.unhinderedliving.com/pultra.html http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/ultrasoundrodgers.asp http://www.jstor.org/pss/3703178 https://www.asrt.org/content/News/IndustryNewsBriefs/Sono/studyshows062408.aspx http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/ultrasoundwagner.asp http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/130084/the_dangers_of_ultrasounds.html?cat=52 So I've been reading way more then usual. I mean, other books then the Bible. I enjoy reading but it wasn't top of my list before recently. During nap and after bedtime I typically would do chores reserved for those time (sewing, meal planning, internet, or folding laundry, mainly) and then watch some tv. But not really tv, but tv shows that Robert downloads. That became tiresome and I am really stocked up on mei tais, so sewing hasn't been a necessity. And I try to do laundry every other day. Leaving about an hour of folding two to three loads every other day. This leaves extra time. So for Chirstmas I asked for the Red Tent. I had been meaning to read this for sometime, because several friends said it was great. It really was. It's the fictional tale of Dina, from the Bible. Jacob's only daughter. Some information from the bible is in it with additions. So, important to remember that it's fictional, because I found myself sucked into it as if it were an actual Bible story! Very entertaining. Shepherding a Child's Heart. I've had this book for over a year I think. I started it when I got it, but only got a few chapters in. Because I liked everything he was saying but thought he was being too repetitive in saying it. I got back to it, and I'm glad I did. This book is about approaching disciplining your child by looking at their heart instead of just their behavior. Disciplining means to disciple, and the way Jesus discipled, he always was inspecting their hearts to find where their behavior was stemming from. We forget this with our children. We see a child being defiant, take it personal and can respond in anger. We need to step back and say, "why is my child being defiant?" The same as we might question why we are being defiant against our Lord. There is a heart matter that needs to be fixed. I found the book, in it's entirety to be very helpful for Darby. The chapters that talked about Bryse's age were very helpful. I find that alot of times when an author writes a book they have a specific age in mind...and sometimes, while I'm reading the book, I find myself trying to fit that unknown age to a different age. Does that make sense? I think that thru the whole book, he is more of referring to an age of 4ish to 10ish. But then has specific chapters for the other ages. I don't know if that was intentional, but it is how I saw it. The chapters on Bryse's age were helpful for me. Baby Catcher! I gobbled this book up, devoured every word. It is written by a midwife that practiced in California. I wish I could sit in a room full of midwives and listen to them tell stories of catching babies for the rest of my life! I would!! This particular author has an amazing way with words. I cried more than once, more than five times! I felt like I was really there. I did not agree with some of the things that the midwife did, and some of that annoyed me, but over all. Amazing! I would recommend it to any woman! One thing I took away from it was the many ways that women deal with labor and birth. I think that is valuable for any woman that has not gone thru labor and birth to realise. There is no wrong way of dealing with the feelings and sensations that labor and birth bring! I am vocal, and am working on not being ashamed of that. Some women are not vocal! One woman in the book combed her hair fanatically all thru her labor!! There is no wrong way! Don't be ashamed!! I will be buying this book, as I borrowed it from a friend. I will first be lending it to my sister! : ) I finished this one today. Womanly Dominion was an encouraging, light a fire under butt, kinda book. Some of it was hard to deal with and reminded me of bitterness I have toward my God called role as a wife and mother. But after pulling that bitterness out of you to make you aware of it, he spurs you on toward the goal!! His main slogan thru the book is "Play your position" and "Win it!". Subue your womanly dominion. God calls us woman to specific functions and we are to subdue and conquer in that dominion! This is another I would recommend highly to any woman that feels a strong calling to do their job well and thoroughly. It's very encouraging!! Now, I need to take a break from reading for myself and get seriouse about finishing some of these Little House books with the girls. While I've read four books this year, I have only completed one of those books for the girls! Not very fair to them! So we are going to finish a few more of those before I get sucked into another book of my own!
So I realised today (after two different people inquired about us homeschooling Darby) that I hadn't posted anything about it. So I thought, that I would explain our decision and that way everyone knows! ; )
We started Darby in Kindergarten at the elementary school just down the road in the fall. It was a GREAT school and her teacher seemed wonderful as well! She was doing good there and enjoying it. We started her because at the time we hadn't decided if we should homeschool or not. And Robert proposed that we start her and we could always pull her out if we decided against public school! So that is what we did. We decided to pull her out at the semester, and here is a list of reasons why, starting with the most important to us: 1. Darby is very different then myself. I struggle to understand her and create a deep, meaningful relationship with her. We have a great mother/daughter relationship, but I want it to have a good foundation of trust and love. And because we are so different, it's coming harder then otherwise. When she was in school, I would get her home by 4, do homework, clean up, start dinner, and then after dinner it was bedtime. I had VERY little time to really communicate with her other than the basics. Because I had two other children to care for and a house to keep. I felt our relationship slipping from my fingers and felt convicted about it. Even if it's just for a few years to really work on our foundation for our relationship, so be it. But now we get time together alot! When the little ones are sleeping and working on school work. I felt the need to be a better steward of my time with Darby. 2. Darby's education. The quality of education that can be offered in a homeschooling environment has been shown to far exceed public schools. I have nothing against public school teachers! I just think that the system has a few flaws that make it hard on the teachers. 3. We found a co-op. I was holding off on homeschooling until I could find a network of other homeschooling families to socialize with. For support for me and friends for Darby. We actually visited a Classical Conversations open house the other day. Robert and I are reading alot about it. We are considering getting Darby into it for first grade. It would include her going to a tutor with other kids her age one day a week and me supplementing the rest of the week using the same curriculum. 4. Simplicity for me!! I always thought it would be easier once she got into school. Like I would get a "break". But it just complicated things. Getting the other little ones up and ready in time to take her to school. And usually having to wake them from their naps in the afternoon to go pick her up. Packing a lunch everyday. Which I realise was optional, but in my eyes, I didn't see public school food as any kind of option for my daughter. Things are more structured and organized now that she is home. Bryse loves having her around and is learning just as much watching us do school and doing some herself. 5. Flexibility!!!!!!!! With us living so far from family, I don't have to worry about her getting into trouble for being taken out of school for us to travel home to see family. As it is, we only have to schedule around Robert's work schedule. And that is a huge blessing. We can do lessons in the car so easily. My parents are coming to visit next week and i don't have to worry about Darby seeing them less because of school. If I feel like taking the kids to the aquarium on a school day to dodge business, I can! Without asking a stranger for permission to spend time with my little girl! ; ) So I guess those are the main things. There are others, but these are the biggest in deciding what would work for us. |
LindseyI'm the mama and wife. Updating you on our life! Archives
January 2022
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